Don't Worry About Me
by everythingaddison
Summary: River and the Doctor never meet in the correct order. They have different experiences at different times. What happens when one is so frightening to River, and the only person that would be able to offer her any kind of comfort is the one person that must not know why she's such a wreck.


"Hello, Sweetie." River said with her signature smirk.

"Honey, you're home!" The Doctor said, playing on River's usual words when it's him who's returning from this, that or the other. "What time do you call this?" River smirked.

"Oh, how I've missed you." River threw off her heels and ran a hand through her hair. "Ah, where we off to next?" She asked as she made herself comfortable.

"I was thinking-" The Doctor began, River cut him off.

"Darillium! You still have to take me to see the singing towers!"

"Another time." The Doctor said. River pouted. The Doctor laughed. "But for today, a trip to Italy? See the leaning tower of Pisa?"

"Ooh, sounds great!" River said, flashing the Doctor her usual seductive smile.

"And I suppose you'll want your usual hour to relax and get yourself ready?" The Doctor questioned, smiling.

"How'd you know?" River teased. She walked off to find her bedroom.

"I'll be waiting." The Doctor called out.

"I know you will!" River called back.

•

River walked into her bedroom and collapsed on her bed. How nice it felt to lie on a proper bed, her prison bed just wasn't that comfy. She kicked off her shoes and lay her head back. She looked up at the ceiling and smiled briefly. She felt joyous because she knew she was safe and with her Doctor. She slowly pulled herself up and made her way over to her bathroom. She stood in front of the sink and looked at herself in the mirror. She untied her hair from the messy ponytail she'd had it in when she was fighting with the big green thing on Dalorium, she couldn't even remember what it was exactly, she just knew it was ugly. She stared long and hard at herself in the mirror, studying every last detail. I don't recognise you, Melody. She thought about her reflection. I don't recognise me, either. This was her usual pattern now, she'd climb into the TARDIS with the Doctor, leave him to get ready, fall apart, pick herself up again and then she'd be fine. It wasn't a perfect system, but it worked. She remained strong in front of everyone else and fell apart briefly on her own. Solution, no?

•

This time, however, was different. She knew that very soon for him, her Doctor, the time was coming when he'd find out who she really was. She felt the painfully familiar tears prickling the back of her eyes as she realised that again, it was all about to change. A lone tear slid down her cheek. She hastily brushed it away, ashamed of herself for allowing herself to cry over something like this. She gripped the sides of the sink tightly with both of her hands and bowed her head down. She willed herself into not crying. She rocked herself gently back and forth in an attempt to soothe her worked-up brain.

•

The Doctor, with his legs up on the TARDIS console checked his watch and rolled his eyes, then laughed. His River, taking her time as usual. Typically being himself, though, he wanted to get going so he decided he'd go and tell - ask her nicely, if she could finish so they could go.

•

He walked down the corridors smiling to himself as he recalled some of the happy memories he had with River. He got to the door and looked in, no River. He frowned. Intrigued, and a little worried, he cautiously walked in and looked around, he peered his head around the open bathroom door and felt a sharp ache in his chest, in both his hearts. He looked at her, leant over the sink, shaking as she attempted to prevent the sobs from leaving her body, she was failing though.

"River?" The Doctor said, worriedly. River looked up quickly, she was startled by his sudden presence.

"Doctor…" she gasped. "I…" She turned back around and closed her eyes tightly, tears slid from both and fell quickly into the sink. She opened one of her eyes slightly and realised that she was standing in front of a mirror, and the Doctor could still see her. He looked at her with pity, sorrow and confusion.

"It's okay, you know." The Doctor said.

"What is." River snapped. The Doctor knew that she was just trying to protect herself by snapping at him so he carried on.

"To cry. It's okay to cry. It's okay to not be okay every once in awhile." He finished.

"No." River said, sternly. Still not turning to face the Doctor. "It isn't. Not for me." She mistakenly thought to herself, soon he won't want to comfort me like this, which just caused her to get even more emotional. Her breath caught in the back of her throat and she fought back a sob. She closed her eyes, which didn't stop the tears from leaking out from under them.

"Sweetie…" The Doctor said, walking over to her. He placed an arm on her shoulder in an attempt to offer some sort of comfort. She flew backwards quickly, away from his touch, her breathing shallow. "River, tell me what's wrong."

"I can't." River replied back through gritted teeth.

"Yes, you can," the Doctor said, "you can tell me anything, you know that."

"I. Can't." She said. It was meant to come out in a firm tone, but instead ended up being a strangled whisper. The Doctor sighed.

"Why can't you, then?" He asked, hoping that she wouldn't be able to provide him with an answer. She opened her eyes fully and looked at him, she was no longer trying to conceal her tears and they flowed freely down her cheeks. She laughed ever so slightly, a bitter laugh.

"Spoilers." The Doctor knew what was going on. It was something that had happened to her that hadn't happened to him yet, and the stupid laws of time meant that he couldn't know. He felt so helpless. River could see his realisation, it crept up onto his face like a dark cloud in a storm. He went to embrace her. River pushed him away. She was shaking violently.

"River-" the Doctor began.

"Don't!" She yelled. "Don't come near me." She warned. "Leave me alone." She said once again through gritted teeth.

"River-"

"Leave me alone!" She yelled, her hands clenched in tight fists shook at her sides. The Doctor could tell that telling him to go away was killing her, but there was nothing he could do. So he looked at her sadly, gave her a weak smile, and turned and left. He felt as though a knife had gone through both of his hearts as he reached the hallway and heard River's violent sobs. But he knew there was nothing at all he could do, so he left her there, alone on a cold floor with only her tortured memories to comfort her.


End file.
